Friday, May 20, 2011

What i'm thankful for cont....

What i'm thankful for...

I just figure this is a nice thing to get people thinking about what they can be thankful for. Because gratefulness is the key to happiness. You can't be unhappy when you think about all the good in your life!

  1. That I got into the most selective college in KY!
  2. Jesus died on the cross for me!
  3. I have so many oportunities.
  4. That i have parents that truly love me and are always there.
  5. I have friends and frenemies.
  6. I have an education and that's one of the things that people can't take away from me.
  7. I am going to be an EMT!
  8. I"m going to major and minor to be a nurse and paramedic!
  9. I have awesome teachers.
  10. I've fallen in love once. 
  11. I have awesome curls!
  12. I'm healthy...ish at least.
  13. I'm not poor.
  14. I don't have braces anymore, but the braces made my teeth look amazing.
  15. I have a lot of clothes and shoes.
  16. I'm so privileged
  17. Great food!
  18. That i live in America and I'm free..
  19. That technology allows me to stay connected with people even when they are far away. 
  20. I have a job. 
  21. My bosses are really nice, most of the time anyways.
  22. Memories
  23. Nice people.
  24. Salvation.

PRom!!!

OMG! so i just found out that 3 special needs kids have gotten nominated for prom court!!! I've been working all year for this to happen and i doubted that it would! This is like history!! It's gonna b just like that commercial!! Katie king and I had planned to get everyone to vote for Brittany Hager earlier during homecoming!! and i didn't think anyone would listen b/c everyone's so shallow lol. sorry but we are bc the people that get it, get it every time! ughhh  but forrreal!! this is amaizing! Best prom night ever is coming up! This touched me so much because like it will mean so much to any of them! Really! Look at jessica's face! She's glowing with just the nomination... COME ON ERRBODY VOTE FOR JESS OR BRITT OR ALEX or sinjin if not them!

OH and sinjin got nominated and that's amazing because everyone loves him (ESP meeeee!!!!! Love you sinny!!!!!) and he's such a worthy candidate!!!! <333333

***I'm going to blog about sinjin here in a few minutes!!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Scholarship Unsuccess

Its 11:07 and I've been looking up scholarships for over an hour now. Supposed to be in Mau's class but I'm doing college stuff so it's okay. Man, i have been completely unsuccessful at this scholarship thing. I know there's a thing for nursing that i need to apply for before june 1, but that's the only one i don't think i've missed the deadline to. I thought FAFSA was supposed to do this for me ughhhhh. But i've got this and i can get more scholarships later too i guess... i hope so. I'll get on that one scholarship going and then see where i can go from there.

Man I loveeeee my haircut!! I think i look so much older and i think i want to go shorter. think chelsea kane (staub) from DWTS and Jonas. or the katie holmes bob. But i gotta think about my curls cause the shorter i go the curlier my hair gets! I love the curls now! Theyre just so funnnn!!!

Oh i need to finish or continue what i'm thankful for too!! I also had something else to blog about but i don't remember what!

Alright
Peace and Love
Holly Elaina

The World's ending... this is legit this time

"For at the time appointed the end shall be" (Daniel 8:19). Since its 8 19 and the day appointed is what Daniel is talking about, obviously the world will end on the nineteenth of august. The year that this incident will happen is 2079 because you take 7*9*3*11. 7 is God's number, it's the number of perfection, 3 is the beginning, the middle and the end, 9 is the number of completion and eleven because all the biblical hyms and things say verses 11 times, or mention something about 11. All equaling 2079. So therefore the world is destined to end August 19, 2079

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Off School and Bored

Well i'm at the place where i work. Won't say i'm at work because i'm not really working. Mom and I are talking and i'm chillin in my seat at my desk textin. Proms in two days and i'm starting to feel like poo. Foreal my throat feels like a hanged man's throat and my stomach is grinding like meat.
I Don't really have anything to say but i figure this cures my boredom. I've just got to say I'm so over drama. I'm so over relationships and everything. It's all pointless. All everyone does any more is fight. I'm in such a bad mood this week it's not even funny. So to those of you who i might have like bitten in half, i'm sorry.
I'm pretty excited for prom though. Not doing anything special after or before. I'm eating at Three sons Bistro and i'm going with Benson Pauley :). lol
OMG you all need to look up shes too good for everyone! That's like my theme song! Then you need to look up his stand up comedy on student loans! Baha  Now i gotta go home so i'll blog mer lata! Love all yall who read my blog! :)

Friday, May 6, 2011

What i'm thankful for...

I just figure this is a nice thing to get people thinking about what they can be thankful for. Because gratefulness is the key to happiness. You can't be unhappy when you think about all the good in your life!

  1. That I got into the most selective college in KY!
  2. Jesus died on the cross for me!
  3. I have so many oportunities.
  4. That i have parents that truly love me and are always there.
  5. I have friends and frenemies.
  6. I have an education and that's one of the things that people can't take away from me.
  7. I am going to be an EMT!
  8. I"m going to major and minor to be a nurse and paramedic!
  9. I have awesome teachers.
  10. to be continued...

Original piece 1

WOW! Check this out!! It's alwayssssss 9!!
Start with your age.
Now add the number of your house.
Now add the number of siblings you have.
Now add the number of pets you have.
 Now multiply that number by 18.
Now if you have more than one digit, add those digits together.
What's your number?

The number nine is the number of completion! It's also the result of adding three 3's. 3 is representative of a begining and middle and end. also if you double 333 it's 666... Eery right?

Moose Clues!

Well my fan fiction is basically a parody of Blue's Clues! How awesome right?
Character List-
Moose- The main character really. It's obviously a moose!
Tan- An elk that is friends with the main character Moose
Dan- The other main character! the "steve".
Basically in my episode of this show moose is leaving moose tracks that lead Dan to know that Moose wants.... Read and find out!

Peace and blessing yall

Friday, April 29, 2011

I CAN'T STAND CHRISTIAN RADFORD! >:(

So she and i were argueing today about whether or not dinosaurs arre real. Like what kinda arguement is that? She says theyre real and i say that's a lie. I mean come on! How can they be real. Erosion can make all kindsa shapes out of rocks. Look at the Grand Canyon home slice. Ugh  and no mattter how much i tried to give her scientifiic and solid evidence, she said nope theyre real. Shes a nut job!!
Christian if youre reading this i want you to know something: Theyre NOT real!!!!!!!!! >:( that's so weird!!!
I think the school is now going to have to split into teams! Team Holly and Team Christian. NOt dinosaurs and real dinos. I'm pretty sure people like me better! UGHHHHHH Vote on whos side your on!
Ugh i'm not even associating with that gullable weirdo!

Empty Building

Im in this building
It's empty,
I walk around,
Footsteps echo.
I call out and
no one answers.
I shrink
to the floor
and look up.
The lights are
bright,
unbearable,
so I close my eyes.
Memories
flood in.
Mistakes, too.
I try to
block them out.
It hurts.
I shake my head
vigorously.
Still there.
One tear falls
down.
There comes another round.
I shout out
"why"
I cry some more.
Then
I pick myself up off the floor.
I run.
Running away from
where it all came back.
If i run far enough
if i run fast enough,
I'll forget
I know i will
 i have to.
I look for those
Who I think i've lost.
I see them.
But I can't reach them.
I shout their names.
They don't look.
Tears stream down
my pale face.
If only I could
correct the things that
I done wrong.
If only i could
never have changed.
If only i could....

I am...

I am miniature and outburstful. I wonder if I will ever find what I'm looking for.
I hear chiming.
I see judgement dying down.
I want to be perfect.
I am mini and outburstful.

I pretend I don't care
I feel that aliens connect with me.
I touch the starlight.
I worry I'll lose everyone.
I cry at everything.
I am mini and outburstful.

I understand everything happens for a reason.
I say to dance in the rain
I dream of one day being in love, again.
I try to keep the smile on my face.
I hope I can fix everyting.
I am mini and outburstful.

For I am a Cloud

For I am Cloud
going with the breeze
changing with the sun.
Some days are dark.
Some days I"m just not there.
For I am a cloud
without a place
in the world.
I rain a lot.
I blow a lot of hot air, too.

Friday, April 22, 2011

ROSES

Well my last name as of now is Rose. But by Wednesday, it should be...

ELKINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO longer associated with the Roses!

Holly Elkins.                                                 Holly Elaina
Holly Elaina Elkins
H. Elkins                                                      H.E.E

Friday, March 25, 2011

Genius

Well idk about genus but i know that i'm pretty excited bc i think tha till get my happy ending. I'm workin on it as of now. thinking about what i want out of life.
I want:
  • Ti graduate college!
  • To become a nurse!
  • To fall  in love like i've never been hurt!
  • To have a house with a library basement and huge saltwater fish tanks with a shark.
  • To marry (possibly marry rather) a gentlemen who I can be a kid around and serious.
  • To remain close with only a few people including (excluding family) Clay, alison, and hannah.
  • To travel the world or at least go to australia.
  • Go to seaworld
  • have the best christmas display in town.
  • Dance in the rain
  • Have a little boy and girl.

Unappreciated

THis world doesn't know how to appreciate anymore. NOthing is goood enough for anyone. SO I'll write somethings i appreciate/ am thankful for:
  1. My friends! Special shout out to Alison, Clay, Doug, Olivia, Hannah, and all my tennis buds! Love you guys. Not to not mention my other friends of course but those r the near and dear home slices that i've held onto for a while.
  2. My freedom
  3. Hugs when I cry
  4. My freedom
  5. My family
  6. cuddling
  7. Gum
  8. My eyesight
  9. Music
  10. Being able to hear
  11. God
  12. My texture problem
  13. True love
  14. Flip flops and athletic sandals
  15. Contacts!
  16. Boots!
  17. Instruments
  18. My body bc it's a work of God's art even if I don't like it sometimes (esp in my tight tennis uniform yuck!)
  19. Cameras
  20. Pictures
  21. The right to forgiveness
  22. Sports
  23. Tight pants <3
  24. Talent
  25. animals
  26. friendship in general
  27. Hair gel
  28. Fighting bc it teaches you a lot
  29. Socks!
  30. Sweet comments
  31. scandalous the word
  32. Having noth my hands and arms and legs all 20 fingers and toes
  33. Beds, my home
  34. the ability to think
  35. intelleggence,

Friday, March 11, 2011

It was the accountant with the hammer at the country club!

The hammer was in the pool house. The victims fake was bashed in. Thrown in the pool. I replayed the murder scene. That is extremely peculiar. That _uy on his cell phone. I shall _o question him. I walked over and read his bad_e. "Marcus Bowmont. Accountant."
"sir!" I jo__ed over there.
"i'm on the phone, one moment." he sneared. I used karate moves and threw the phone in the pool next to where he and I were standin. It sank to the bottom and the creen went black. "There. It was one moment." I must question you on the events taht happened last ni_ht."
"Okay, but I promise you I know nothin."
"That's for you to know and me to find out. Now, as you are aware, an old man with a youn_ wife was killed and thrown in the pool last ni_ht." Do you know why there is a hammer in the pool house?"
"no." he replied.
"Okay and do you know how he was killed?"
"No."
"Do you know his wife?"
"Yes. I work with her at my bank." He was sweaty.
"You work with her. Hmmmm. What kind of work?" I thou_ht, ponderin all options.
"Business." HE shifted his wei_ht to his ri_ht le_.
"And did she ever discuss her personal life with you?"
"Yes. I know she wsa havin problems with him." He looked at the pool with a ponderin_ face.
"Your answers are very short."
"i'm aware." he announced.
"And sir, can you tell me who you were just talkin to?"
"A client."
"Lies!! I heard you refer to that person as Pumpkin bottom. A very friendly nickname for a client."
"You heard wron_." He wran_ his palms and his eyes darted lookin_ for an exit.
"I heard ri_ht. I also heard the conversation. Tellin_ Pumpkin Bottom where the weapon was. Hammer, in the poo lhouse, where you've been for hours now...in a suit! Ironically the man's face was bashed in. Obvious blunt trama to his face. Only a hammer could do it. I also heard you say you'd see her toni_ht and to wear somethin_ sexy. Yes sir! MR. Bowmont I heard it all." I smiled.
"Okay! I admit it! I was havin_ an affair with her! The whole thin_ was planned." He smirked. "Old man was _oin to die anyways. I just helped him alon_. I don't re_ret it one bit. But you'll never be able to prove I said anythin_ in court." He cackled, smu_ with his plan.
"I held up the tape recorder as I slapped the handcuffs on his bony wrists.
"Yes sir I can."

A _uide to Life

cuss words are _oin_ to be bleaped out.

Let me just tell you how to live your life. Don't let people walk all over you! Don't take crap, yo. Like fo real. If someone does somethin_ that you don't like tell em. If they don't like that you told them screw em. Ri_ht.
I'm very an_ry. ri_ht now. Like nothin_ will chan_e my mood. So tired of b-words. Thinkin_ they could contro leverythin_. You bit. I bite back, harder. I take limbs with me too, sweetheart.
This day started off bad.Seein those 2 people just so effin _ross. So take to add to my lovely pissed mood.
Screw everyone. haha
Man screamo is pretty _reat for an_er!
Why did she have to start bein that way. Theres no mf need.
She won't even talk to us about it. Just barkin orders. Well honey, yuou have no idea what youre messin with. My mom can tear you apart like your tryin to my time to shine. I'm _oin_ solo no matter what now. _uys are ridiculous and mommas boys just need to crawl up with their bottles and not try to _et involved with _irls.
I'm pretty proud i havent used that many cuss words. I apolo_ize for those I have. YOu can't make someone look like a millin book while spendin $10 and puttin them next to someone with $1000 spent on them. Just cant happen.
She wants to throw off on everythin I want to say so throw off on this one bc i don't _ive a crap. Hate to hurt him but its her fault.

Purple

P- pretty, poutin_, pants, party, pale, pinch, pedantic, profuse, perfusion, playful
U- unbelievable, unrealistic, uncontrolable, unattractive.
R- radiation, road, really, ri_ht, rou_h, ready.
P- political, pi_, penis, princess, pen_uin.
L- lions, love, loss, lake
E- exit, extinct, embroider, ecstacy.

SHORT STORY PASSAFE

I have no lettter that comes after f and before h so i'm just _onna leave it out. I r leave it out.

Out of the conrner of her eye she noticed a fi_ure pracnicin_ around in a circle. Muuuuuuuuuurrrrrkkkkk. The llama screamed. Dewdrop flew up away from Mr. Pickles. "What have you done to Lily? You FIEND!"
He cackled. "i have taken over her mind!" He scurried over to an i-pod in an i-home.
"With Ke$ha!" He exploded with evil lau_hter.
"YOu didin't!" She _asped.
"Oh I did." and with that Mr. Pickles turned on some music."Take it off" came on and floaded the stone walls. "Sooon every animal and fiary will be under my control after listenin_ to the "Animal" CD.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Chagall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me:
The fight was scaring me. He was literally beating her! Smack! There went her face. Whiy on Earth would somone do this to a lady? Inappropriate. I watched for a little while longer to see if it would stop. It didn't.
I took off running towards the window. As I got closer and closer, I took a giant leap. My foot broke through the glass and i landed on my feet in the shards inside her living room.
"What the ---" I cut him off before the profanity spewed out.
"Stop citizen! I'm her to take that woman away! From YOU! You evil heifer!" I shouted.
I took her by the stomach and flew out of the window.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Other person:
I sat by my window, waiting for him to come through my window. I don't know how but he always comes through my window. So i waited, he always shows up at this time.
"miss me?" the man said, hanging in the window nonchalant smile on his face.
"Of course I did." I smiled, returing the smile. We shared a lovers kiss and sat down in my room.
"There's something we need to talk about" he said sitting on my bed.
"we can't stay here" he warnedd.
"I know, but do we have to go right now?" I Whined. "I need time to say goodbye to my family".
"no your weddin gis tomorrow, we have to go now." he said, more serious this time.
"but where will we go> how will we live> How will we live? Much less how will we even get out of here?"

Hedgehog vs Fairy.. Who will win?

Everyone gets along in the forest, until one day when an evil Italian hedgehog named Mr. Pickles tries to take over the minds of the animal kingdom, starting with a llama named Lily. The only one to try to stop him is a small fairy named Dewdrop Startwinkle. In a race against the clock Dewdrop fights off frog guards, alligators, and the hedgehog in order to try to stop him fro mtaking over the animal world. Who will win the battle of good and evil?

Sweet and Saltay!

PS I GOT AN 80% ON MY STAT TEST

Let me start by saying I def heart Bon Jovie! <3
Well I thnk sweet and salty describes my personality. I'm sweet when i love you but most of the time I'm like salt in a wound. haha People tell me i'm pretty intimidating. I'm not sure how or why. Maybe it's my stare :| Whatever the cause I'm not complaining. I do have the sweet side too. Ask my friend, Alison. She knows I use intimidation b/c I care.
Yeah i'm pretty much a bully. But that's okay.
i'd also prefer salty to sweet, usually. I'm not huge on sweets, really. I love them but I could live without having tons of them. I also put salt on pretty much EVERYTHING! LIke forealz. Might be why i'm not the skinniest thing ever. But i'm happuy with myself, on some/most days.
 Wow This page is really random. I'm struggling w/ ADHD right now.
Awww. Aaron Kerfoot is the most adorable thing. hahahah
Sinjin looks like he's thinking hard. He's pretty awesome.
Michelle looks pretty today, like she does everyday :) She's awesome <3

The Best Imaginable

Well the "worst imaginable" was losing him, so the best would be actually having him...
But INstead of writing about him again I'll write about the guy who is the best imaginable , well besides the other one who I can't have.
He treats me like an angel, truly and sincere. He jumps when I tell him to, laughs whenever I do, and will give me the shirt off his back in negative ten degree weather. It's been like this for a while but I've always been annoyed or with or talking to someone else. Never rly given him a chance. Call me desperate or call it an awakening, but I think I might be starting to see him in anew light slowly, slowly, slowly, slowwwly.
He's not the cutest, but the way he treats me is like no other guy.
He always smiles no mattter what. He lives an optomistic life. He's extremely intellegent. Fun to be around. He's the nice guy in the story.He's always finishing last and it makes me sad, but it's my fault. His love has never strayed in two or three years. He always compliments me, and just likes me for me. Always looks me in the eyes too! He's a true frog prince hahaha.

<3

Friday, February 25, 2011

Dancing in the Rain -- So cliche CONTINUED da da da dummmmm

Dancing to "Purple Rain" by Prince. He held me tight.Hands on my hips lightly. Swaying. Side to side. I looked into his eyes, twinkling. I was the only one he cared for in this moment. We shared a silent conversation and smiled when I looked away.
The rain was coming down hard and the thunder only brought us closer.My dress was ruined, but i didn't care. His tuxedo was soaked as well, but his smile never faded.
He whispered, even though we were the only ones arounnd, "You look gorgeous." I laughed loud becuase i knew i had make up running. There was no way I looked gorgeous. This moment was perfect! <3
All of a sudden a lightning bolt came down a struck my date. I jumped back so fast i fell and ripped my dress to the crotch. "oh nooooo!!" i shouted.
I looked at him and seen his charred tux and flaming hair. "Oh baby you are flaming hot!" I chuckled.
"oh shut up and get me a fire exstinguisher because you're so hot, together we might burn this place down." 
I laughed until my sides hurt and then dowsed him down with water. Tonight was an unforgettable night,

Finally

At last
we're finally here.
Graduation.
Last year it
didn't seem so near.
We've come so far
and now we can go
even further.
I knew it would
go by fast.
But I never dreamed
how bitter-sweet these last
few memories would be.
We finally have
to leave, depart,
our seperate ways, worlds apart.
The memories will be
with me
wherever I go.
On of my fears
is that I may forget
what I used to hold so dear.
Finally
the ending to the begining.
Graduation:
a time for tears
a time for squeals.
The greatest moment
of our life
so far.
Finally
this moment has come
Dum da da da
dum dum
Dum da da da
dum dum
Rings in my ears.
The rush of fears
makes my heart pitter.
But finally
we are here.

The Way of the World

Pie
Hi
Guy
Die
Tie
Bye
Aye
Eye
My
Try
sigh
zy(gote)
FYI
Fly
I
Ni(agra)
Qui(et)
Sky
Rye
Vi(agra)
Why
Butterfly
Tri(angle)
High
Li(ght)
PIG
dig
jig

Friday, February 18, 2011

Something New - My thoughts

Well I'm not sure what to write because i don't have any ideas in my head right now so I'll just write whats in my head.
Do you ever wish you were the white crayon in the box? Never? I do that way no one would ever use me. Seems to be a pattern developing. The using you theory. I'm not sure what is true and what's false anymore. I don't know who really means what they say or who is just using me to satisfy themselves. (No not in any ;) way).
Sometimes giving up doesn't mean youre weak it just means youre strong enough to let go. This quote's pretty true. You can't always hang on. It ends up hurting you the most if you can never get over something. Drug addictions are a good representation of this idea. If you let go it means youre stronger than what it takes to keep abusing that substance.

... To be continued with more quotes

Dancing in the Rain -- So cliche

Dancing to "Purple Rain" by Prince. He held me tight.Hands on my hips lightly. Swaying. Side to side. I looked into his eyes, twinkling. I was the only one he cared for in this moment. We shared a silent conversation andsmiled when I looked away.
The rain was coming down hard and the thunder only brought us closer.My dress was ruined, but i didn't care. His tuxedo was soaked as well, but his smile never faded.
He whispered, even though we were the only ones arounnd, "You look gorgeous." I laughed loud becuase i knew i had make up running.

My Team! Happy Valentines Day!

Well I thought today would be pretty crappy.No valentine. No kind of valentine. Selling valentine candy to people who have poeple to hope to love.
But then I got here, and there was a gift on my desk! Turns out Zach Powell is on My Team for V-day! He got me a little dolphin figurine and FunDip! It was the sweetest thing ever! Especiallly bc I didn't think he would do it seriously! It even had a rose on it!
And, even though i got yelled at this morning,my mom had some little gifts for me: candy a card 2 pairs of socks <3 and slippers! My dad also gave me a card but IDK where i put it! Theyre so on my team!
We're also having a valentines extravaganze in 1st period! How awes?! Right!? IT's as if MRs. Onkst is Team Holly too! It's crazy how I can write so much about one fraze on a candy heart just one day!

PS  I also got a note that was really sweet from a friend! It was the highlight of my day!

Katarina Van Vulkenburg's interior thoughts

At the Doctor's Office:
Ready to go to another patient.I wonder what this one is.
Oh a birth! haha taht's gonna be an explosion of fun! haha get it? Explosion. I'm so funny.
I get to work with doctor Hoojaflagansbottom today.Gosh he's a hunk.  Ihope he thinks i'm attractive.
Okay in the room now. Mother looks good. Okay I'll call Sam in.
Woo! He's here.Man he look hunky in those scrubs.I wonder if I look skinny enough.
Gosh look at him taking control of this situation. Man,what a turn on!
Oh dang! Baby coming out! Maybe i should help this baby instead of thinking out my hunky doctor.
Man this process is something else I'm so glad --- EW!!--- I don't have to go thorugh this. Grapefruit out a straw.Dang.
Okay lets clamp the cord. Stumulate the baby. Aww waht a beautiful baby boy. He's looking good. 8 pounds 9 ounces.Wow he's a heavy thing.
Eep! Doctor Sam just touched my hand when I handed him the babuy. I bet he planned taht. I hope he ilked that wink i just gave him. Okay well if he didn't, whatever right? I just hope he doesn't want to go to dinner! Yuck!
Alright, time to take care of mom and baby. This was a nice little time. Thank God i'm a nurse.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Wasp Nest

High school is just a big wasp nest. All the cliques are the little wasp nests in the bi wasp nest. All the popular people stinging agnrily at the other wasps.
Then you have the actual people in the nests. They travel from one circle to the other. Building up immunity to the poisons.
Then there are the persons taht didn't fit anywhere, so they just have to float in the midst of all these angry stingers.
HIgh school is just, really, a big preparer for the world, where everyone is a wasp.
The thing that is the worst about the high school wasps nest? Well that's called natural selection: where if anything is wrong with a wasp then they have to be secluded. Everyone using retarded as a slur for stupid. That's so stupid that they would use taht. IT's like saying "thats so um like cheerleader who like can't like say smart stuff."
The world is cruel and that's why the wasp is the perfect analogy about the human condition. Wasps are concerned only for themselves. Just like people.

Moving forward (reality)

Reality is finally
setting in.
I know that in
less than 4 months
I will be a high school
graduate.
No more easy roads.
College starts in
August.
Then I'm on my
own.
Not knowing
anyone.
Everyone
going in different directions.
Possibly never seeing
the people I've grown to
love and learned to
let loose with.
Reality is I have to
move on,
have my own dreams,
follow them.
Reality is I'm not
rather I can't be
that little girl
I alway have been.
Nothing stays
the same.
Even my childhood home
is going up
for sale.
Everyone
moving on,
moving forward.
Feels like I'm the
only one
resisting change.
The only one getting
left behind.
If change is good
why does it hurt
so bad. Why does reality
make me wanna cry.
Whatever happened
to fairy tales.
Guess life can't
alway be happily
ever after.
Reality has to set in
and you have to
Realize that
things aren't
can never be
perfect.
There are so many
opportunities
with the new life.
But what about the
opportunities we have
here?
Reality
harsh
curel
painful
cuts like a razor
on skin.

Christmas Morning (a story of happiness)

Christmas Day when Katarina was 5 years old. Not her earliest memory, but one of her strongest.
She woke up at 6:00 AM that Wednesday. It was before she had school, so she wasn't on break. So she had no care in the world, except "What'd Santa bring ,e!?"
She rushed down the winding staircase of her parent's mansion, halfway tumbling down them instead of running. ONce she got to the bottom, she looked up to see her parents sitting on the couch waiting for her.
She smiled. Then she looked over to where the Christmas tree stodd. The lights were shining, marching band playing music on the limbs, the garland hung so perfectly. She was taken back by just the beauty of the tree. But, then, she saw her presents!
There were fat ones, big ones, skinny ones, little ones, shiny ones,  patterned ones. All shapes, colors, sizes, and with an assortment of bows on the top. The room was almost taken over with her presents.
She opened every one, slowly and carefully, until they were all opened. She had gotten everything she aske dfor and more. But, when she began to play withthem her mother said, "Katie. There's one more. From mommy and daddy."
It was the smallest package yet and she couldnt imagine what it was. She opened that one just as carefully as her others. And when she opened the box, there was a shiny silver band tat said "I love you" on it. Her first ring.
The rest of the day was a blur. Just eating, playing and watching movies. But she never forgot the ring she got last, or any of the presents for that matter.
She kept the ring until her current day. Having it resized every year. Her pirzed possession. Her prized memory.

Picture based Vinette

Her eating disorder had taken over her life. She felt so isolated from everyone, behind a curtain of the real her.
Her life had faded from a bright yellow to a blue then finally to a purple. Each color signifying a different stage in her life. She wore braceletes to represent the colors she felt represented her life.
Yellow for the times that she had been happy, up until the accident. Though, she had been bulemic once before, she had gotten over it pretty quickly. She had lived a rich childhood. She had gotten anything she wanted, went anywhere and everywhere. Spoiled described her. Precisely why she engraved it insignificantly in her arm.
The blue "airforce" bracelet reminds her of her deceased boyfriend, Adam. The blye also represents the sadness she felt, the emenseness of the sadness like the blue ocean.
Finally the purple on that represented the even darker time she was facing now. She felt as if she were fake, saving the lives of other people, yet killing herself. Even though she could realize that this process had to stop, she couldnt. It was all she could control herself.
SHe never took the bracelets off. Partially because they were representative and a conversation starter when she was in a new place or with a new patient. Partially because they hid the scars of the words and gashes engraved in her wrists.
She would be okay, though. She would. She had to be.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Favorite !!

Kate was great at her job. She could save those lives like, that! She cared for her peeps so in depth. But she could not care for her own self. When she would eat, she would look at her bod and think "YOU FAT COW!!!"
One day she ate a six course meal. Then she thought 'bout what she had just done. With a gross feel in her, she went to the wash troom. She sat on the floor and stuck her hand to the back of her throat to make her gag. It worked. All the meal came out in a continuous splash.
Now, she felt better.

LEAST Favorite!

She layed her lips on his. The kiss felt wrong. Their lips were pressed for a long time, too long. She turned and went home. Her mind thought what she had done was bad, but she did not know why. She had been drunk...No that is not it. She picked up her phone and dialed her mom. She told her what she had done and who with. there was shock in her mom's voice when she said "That's your cousing, Kate." Kate cried. She will not be drunk next time. She felt bad for her ways. But she learned what no to do!

WARNING: SAD!

YAY! I found my journal! LOL now onto my next piece...

The road I'm traveling on is going to come with lots of hardships. I'm not sure if i can do it. Can I really be a nurse? Can i be that strong? I'm not sure. I was tested last night (1-31-11). It's taken a real tole on me.
The og had no chance but I still feel like I should've, could've, needed to do something more. Sure he didn't have to die a bitter death 'til the end, but if he couldve lived...
His breath was shallow. As my mom and I petted him, he flicked his tongue to the best of his abilities. His fur was wet from the blood that was pouring from his stomach because of that other dog! >.< I'll never forget his stiffness, how his eyes looked just as if he didn't know what was going on, but i knew he was feelking pain. Blank. He died knowing he was loved. But I still don't know.
\I think God was testing me, to see if i could deal with the stresses of nursing life. I know, I'll have to think about how I made people live or die better, not that i couldve done something more. I just realized through that little dog that the health porfession is really where i'm supposed to be.

NOTE: I still cry by myself when i thin of this dog. Each day i try to just think more and more positive but it is still very hard. NO one can imagine the hardness of that except my mom, because she was there. Through this event i questioned a lot... and it's very hard to deal with this. But I'm doing okay! :)

A natural...

Natural...
Well I can't really say anything about natural. All I know is I'm really sad because I forgot my lunch in the rush to get gas for both my mom and me this morning, while it was $2.76...
I always leave my Jeep parked at my job, so i don't waste gas...So all my stuff was in her Car...Well my pompoms and my lunch are both in her car...So now I don't know what I'm going to do...
I could ask Mrs. Webb to go to all lunches or stay in the library or something...But i don't know...I'm the good kid...I could go have lunch with my madre though..hmm...Nah!
What are I going to do?
I'll figure it out during first lunch! :)
Man, I really am diggin Mrs. Onksts taste in music. This song is one i wish i could have on my ipod.
HA! Today is also schoool spirit day...
I totally have the most spirit. But I never get recognized for efforts...never even a picture taken...I mean i even dye my hair and wear wigs to go all out. But the more popular people get recognized.
Oh and I thin kI also dont know where my first writing journal is...
But I'm sure I'll find it.
Gosh I'm hungry...\I wonder what they're serving for lunch today...Maybe I'll go through the line...or get lunch at JCTC. I have conditioning today so i def. have to eat!

Friday, January 28, 2011

My morning

Well, my first day back since I've been out extremely sick. I think people might hav eactually missed me.. Or at least they were excited that I am finally back.
This morning I have experienced awesomness already. I mean it's not even ten in the morning and i've already had the greatest moment ever. You see, me and Christian Radford, we had some serious teamwork!! She couldn't log onto her blog because her computer was having a spasm, like the school computers frequently do. She was getting so frazzled. Mrs. Onkst was telling her she was going to help everyone but her and then when she got time she would help. Well I would not stnad for this!! I patted Christian on the back while she logged in. Suspense was building as she hit "enter". Then, all of a sudden, she was logged on! We made something beasutiful happen just by a pat on the back!!
Well then I have these awesome pictures that i've taken with Sinjin! I'm so excited because Sinjin is like the most awesome person I've ever met. I would clone him just so i could be around sinjin all the time. But anyways class is about over and I need to make some comments on these blogs.
Peace out my awesomest friends!
<3 Holly

Something unpleasant

I was sitting at Starbuck's across the table for two from my boyfirend at the time. We were waiting on his coffee to be made. Our hands both folded on table, seperately, as we made small talk. We never went out and made small talk. After about twenty minutes of this we started "the talk", the reason he had called me at 8 o'clock that morning. He explained how he had been thinking about "us".
he covered it up with how awesome I was. How pretty I was. How he wanted to be really close after. Then he said "I don't think we should do this anymore." The final words. Tears were trickling down my face when it was all said and done. But we remained there for thirty more minutes, goofing as friends. Then i Called my mom. She got there in her blue jeep wrangler. I hugged him for the last time, a final goodbye. Then watched him walk to his badly painted 4-runner and the tears poured down.

A Crowded Room

The small room. So filled with poeple. All kinds of people. Fat ones. Tall ones. Skinny ones. All different races: White, black, Asian, Blasian. A sea of diversity.
Amongst all these people, he still sticks out and is the first person I see. The tall guy. Black hair. Tan skin. A white smile spread across his face as he laughs a laugh that sounds like bells on Santa's sleigh to my ears. His hair is the perfect mix of long but not too long. Messy but fixed perfectly. He is the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen. Skinny with a strong sense of style. An instrument in his hand. Could he be more perfect?
Then I notice among all these people, the average girl. Who is the one holding his hand. I should have known he wasn't that perffect. She seems extremely shy. She doesn't say a word as he speaks to everyone in the room. Her big eyes just watching as she plays with a strang of her long hair.
Then I notice the girl in the mirror. She has a smile on her face, even though her dark eyes say otherwise. She has dark skin and hair, boots on her feet, paired with red skinny jeans and a Led Zepplin t-shirt. she's original but does anyone notice her? She's just one person in the sea of people. A grain of sand.. But everyone turns, including him...